The Mind of Shy

It's most certainly Mahatma time, and although my golf game has not improved since I first picked up a stick, indeed my clan will be pimpin' it in style.  Today my sweetie bought me Nike "LESBO" Mojo golf balls for the tournament. I seriously doubt it will effect my score, but once again she hits a hole in one in my heart for being so perfectly Laura.

Beautiful girl Darwinism in action......



I was in a meeting all day Tuesday. The thing I notice about big meetings is the smells. During that morning hustle and bustle for coffee, all the girls are walking about and each of them has a distinct powdery smell that just sorta blends in the air to create a veritable potpourri of nasal pleasure. I guess it reminds me of being little. My mother stayed in the damn bathroom for an eternity! What the fuck does she do in there? I will go to grave without the answer to that one question, but what I can tell you is that as soon as the door would finally fling open, a whoosh of powder, and soap, and perfume would fill the entire house. It's one of the strongest memories I have.


So anyway...girls smell good, I guess we all sorta know that already. And if you are in a meeting of 40 or more people, there is a good chance there will be about 4 really hot chicks in your meeting with you. That's what I have noticed anyway, could be a southern thing. So today I strategically selected a seat in the rear of the room with a space on either side. (Guy code* was pretty much guaranteeing me that I wouldn't have to sit next to a boy). So one girl comes in and lingers towards the back evaluating her seating options, I was careful not to make eye contact with her. Sometimes you just have to feel the force and resist the urge to communicate anything that would be outwardly detectable. She lingered for a moment, then settled into the chair next to me. The great thing now is that the rest is bound to work out. You can just sink back in the cut and let in unfold. Assuming the room still isn't just full slap up, you don't have to do a thing to get one of the other three hot chicks to sit down on the other side of you. See...straight girls can also pick out those approx four hot chicks in the room and they are highly competitive creatures. I think that dictates a lot of the choices they make. Now I could wrong about all this, but about 3 minutes after...and we'll just call her "hot girl #1".... sat down on my left, hot girl #2 took her place on my right. I don't manipulate these findings, I'm just an observer of this world...


*When seats are available, you are a complete homo if you sit right next to another boy, or in my case a raging dyke.

Lesbos, Toliet Paper and Prostate health...

I love being at home on Mondays... No doubt I have a list of shit I am supposed to be doing a mile long, but Monday is my haven...Monday's I close off everything and just do me. Monday was muggy and miserable outside, I worked on my little brothers computer most of the morning and then I went with him to his appointment with his urologist (he won't let me talk about what's wrong with him cause he thinks it makes him sound like a fag.....men....). We shopped plasma TV's and played Tiger Woods golf to get his mind off the experience. Speaking of urine, here is something maybe not everyone thinks about. Lesbians go through shit pile of toilet paper. I don't mean to imply that gay women actually use more paper than straight women...I known plenty of straight women and the one observation I can offer is that women in general are pretty uncompromising about the quantity of TP they believe is necessary to get the job done. No...it's more just the fact that there are two women....all the time... I mean we don't even have kids yet and every time I turn around I am at the SAMS CLUB buying the mega pack of Charmin. Maybe this whole hetero fixation is just the natural order of a society of people that wanted to balance out toilet paper usage? I sorta imagine my girls hangin out on the isle of Lesbos, and the damn septic tanks start filling up
...crap is backing up everywhere!! You know there isn't a woman on the planet that is going to be dealing with that little situation...so they called in a plumber...had him shipped to the island and when we got back to Greece or where ever the hell you would get a plumber from in Lesbos, he told this story of all these women, and all this toilet paper. I imagine right about then, some jack ass politician...BAM....DOMA...and girl on girl love was a sin....thinking about my toilet paper budget....guy could have been on to something.

Last night The Tiny O's got together to talk about beer and golf at a local eating establishment. It was agreed by all that the game itself will not be the strong suite, while the style of our members is sure to impress. I can't imagine who knocked us out of last place last year, but rest assured we will not be defeated this time around......

So it's been a bit of a weird week. I don't work on Mondays and then Tuesday I didn't go in because it was our "disaster recovery" exercise. I don't know how many people would be familiar with the concept of an exercise like this, so I will try to explain it. It's like, you pretend that the place you work got blown up or burnt to the ground...just isn't there. Now if you're smart, you'll been backing up all the data it takes to build again...and hopefully your backups aren't in that building you lost. So maybe you've lost some of your 6 figure people too, because their over achievers and they were probably working late or something...maybe in fact you just have someone like me....and my laptop. Now, I don't know what it takes to put everything back together....hell I barely know my job at all...so now you get some phone calls together with whoever else is left and everyone starts putting the pieces back. You're building is gone so hopefully you have a buddy with a few spare machines laying around. You have the operating system folks and they will get you some sort of something put together to work on, while the data people are loading all that backup data to the few thousand hard drives you've had to round up. So mostly DR is just waiting...waiting for someone to tell you it's your turn to do the tiny piece you might just manage to get fixed. My piece was to restore one of the pieces of software that we run....I waited about 5 hours then took about 15 minutes to get my piece running (it doesn't always go so smoothly, but I was lucky). Someone else after me figures out how to get all the business data back in order and someone after that figures out if all the business is fit to run. This can take days or it can take hours...it really just depends.

So the week was off to a weird start, but by Wednesday I had settled back into my normal hours. I left early Wednesday, took a tour of one of our buildings, drank some beer at the mall, met my sweetie at home and went out to our local pub for some din din and adult beverages. It was karaoke night. I don't care what sorta week you are having, karaoke is just surreal isn't it?

The Jolie lesbian wanna be principle of female lust...


Okay...so having a picture of Angelina Jolie anywhere on your profile makes you a lesbian. I have decided this and I want to fix my page to have a picture of her so people don't get the wrong idea about me, but I am just not sure where to work her in. I mean....I AM A LESBIAN...and even though Angelina is freaky as hell and wears blood and can't act, she is on my short list of people I can F if the opportunity ever comes up. I already have the go ahead from the GF. But why is she a lesbian icon. I mean has she done lesbian films??? There was Gia...but come on....Gia isn't exactly "Bound". It is no where near as erotic as Jennifer Tilley's baby voice whisper that subliminally says "come F me" with every word. It certainly wasn't a feel good movie, no baby dyke drama and clumsy first romance like "The Incredibly true Adventures of Two Girls In Love". It doesn't even get a nod for being artsy like "Go Fish". Yet, what I have noticed is that a picture of Angelina pretty much seals the deal, YOU ARE A LESBIAN.... I don't care if your profile says, bi-curious, I don't know, didn't answer, when I see that picture on your site....my mind is made up.

Last night we ate at Speakeasy with Kiffany and Tim and talked about big diamond rings, babies, and their recent trip to Vegas. They had a lot of pictures they had taken and one of a 240K diamond ring they picked out for Laura. Today we went out and about Columbus running some errands and shopping. I got one of those cool new Oral B toothbrushes. We bought some steaks and cooked out at Lisa's house for dinner.

T.G.I.F'ing.F

That's right it's Friday... and if you wonder how I spend most of my days for most of the hours that I am awake and sober, just have a gander at this. Yes, I am a hamster in the ever well kept farm of office cubicles. My cage is nicer than most I think. I have the fully adjustable keyboard tray (goes up and down as well and in and out) and a comfy gel pillow for my mouse wrist. Some of the office booty just comes with time. Like a roach in the dark of the kitchen, you scurry into the neighboring cube when a soldier is fallen and you take only what you think you can get away with. For me that has amounted mostly to IBM reference manuals for products I don't know the slightest thing about. And usually when I do find some use for say, the IPCS Dump Anaylsis guide and reference (IPCS - Interactive Problem Control System), it is no where to be found. I CAN PICTURE IT IN MY HEAD DAMN IT!! IT WAS THICK AND WHITE WITH IBM ON THE SIDE!!!! HOW CAN ANYONE LOSE A BOOK THAT WEIGHS 75 F'ing POUNDS, SHY!!

I can't answer that.....some things just don't work on Fridays....